kids together

Five Ways to Help Kids Feel They Belong

New kids are not new, but their numbers are much higher

Children of today face a very fluid classroom community. They don’t know if their best friend will be there tomorrow. I recently visited a rural 2nd grade classroom. It was amazing to hear that one child had attended five different schools, three children have family members in jail, while several suffer from continual stress over violence at home.  It’s not only new kids, immigrants, and refugees that can feel left out and isolated. The lack of belonging in a classroom community is a persistent problem for many children.

Children who feel they belong can overcome more obstacles.

Developing classroom community where all belong

Developing classroom community

Teachers and caregivers are frequently called upon to provide the love and warmth missing at home.  Often parents are struggling with issues around poverty, drug addiction, PTSD, and more. A sense of belonging to the classroom community can ameliorate some of the damage caused by a struggling family system and uprooting.

The Body Keeps the Score

A fascinating book providing perspective on the topic of belonging is “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. This book details the impacts of trauma and PTSD on the brain. It’s readable and provides information about the underlying neuroscience. It shows how those with trauma and PTSD issues have different brain waves and different breath and heart syncing. It’s fascinating because he’s personally experienced in all the therapies and treatments he mentions. Thus, he has a deep understanding and a unique perspective. 

Don’t give up on wounded children. Provide a safe environment!

Van der  Kolk clearly says“People can learn to control and change their behavior, but only if they feel safe enough to experiment with new solutions. . . Where traumatized children are concerned, the last things we should be cutting from the school schedule are. . . chorus, physical education, recess, and anything else that involves movement, play, and other forms of joyful engagement.” (page 351).

Patricia Jennings, author of “The Trauma-Sensitive Classroom,”  says the zero-tolerance policies of the past two decades have not reduced school violence and misbehavior. They have aggravated student behavioral problems, especially those that are rooted in exposure to stress and trauma.” (page 1).

How do you create an environment where all children thrive?

At Growing Communities for Peace we rejected the zero-tolerance policies from the beginning. And, we have always believed that children have a huge capacity for solving their problems. Children show amazing kindness and thoughtfulness toward others when afforded the chance to puzzle through to solutions. They learn more from dialogue and guidance than from dictates.

Every child deserves a safe educational environment

Children that are well-behaved and easy to teach role model and teach children who are not yet peaceful. Teacher language always focuses on building behaviors of those who are still learning.

Here are excerpts from the Parent and Educator Guide of “The Barnyard Buddies Meet a Newcomer” along with ideas teachers shared with us for welcoming newcomers, creating a safe space, and enhancing belonging

  1. Invite two or three children to do a short role-play to learn to be kind to others. Coach the children to act out a “new student” drama where one child is new and the two others are welcoming. What are the words the children say when they are welcoming? Make their thinking visible. Write what they say on chart paper and post, so when a new person arrives, they remember to use these kind phrases. 
  2. Ask children to draw a picture of a time they felt scared and what their fear or concern was about. When we know more about people’s fears or concerns, it is much easier to respect them.
  3. Immigrants, refugees, and newcomers look for ways to become involved, bring more peace, or offer their skills and ideas to their new communities. There are all sorts of ways to do that. Think about your day and draw a picture of how you contributed in a caring way with your family, friends, or classroom. Those are some of your communities. Put these pictures in a Community Journal. Keep it in a special place where children can enter pictures of how they welcomed a newcomer, cleaned up, recycled, shared a toy with someone new, took care of their family animal, sang at the retirement home, and so on.
  4. Invite children to share what they have seen another person do that supports and grows peace, fairness, kindness, or shows care of the earth. To make sure everyone is recognized, draw names or assign children a specific person to observe. Children can draw a picture of what they witnessed. Later that day or later in the week, have a sharing session. In it, you can appreciate each person. Then, add these drawings to the Community Journal. Make this journal visible in your home or classroom. If tattling, or reporting on negative actions is the norm, it may take time for children to learn to focus on the positive contributions of others. Remind them that is their assignment. Then, watch peace grow.
  5. Sing a welcome song. Use the tune of Freire Jacque: Welcome (new student’s name) Mary, welcome Mary, to our class, to our class. So happy to have you! So happy to have you! Join our song. Join our song. Singing is a wonderful way to engage children with the community and inspires a sense of belonging.

We can’t force children to learn

Often we are trying to cram intellectual understanding into a resistant brain that can’t open to new information until it feels safe and welcome. That is to say when it “belongs” in the setting.

A story

A friend of mine suffered from ADHD, and in-class he was a failure. He was very capable at recess and the fastest runner. No one celebrated him where he was a success. Instead, they isolated and belittled him for his academics. With nothing else to offer, he felt he didn’t belong. His painful lack of belonging resulted in him dropping out of school in 8th grade. This man’s IQ is in the high 130s. What a waste. Looking at activity 3 above, I wonder how his athletic excellence might have become his contribution? Maybe he would be able to add more traditional contributions after being recognized for his current abilities?

You belong to our community of supporters! Let our work support you!

We wrote “The Barnyard Buddies Meet a Newcomer” and you can now get it directly from our website. We aren’t going to release it officially until May 1st. This is your chance to get a pre-release copy. Click the picture below. All books we ship have the author’s signature. Reviewers rave about this book, and you will too.

barnyard buddies childrens book

The Barnyard Buddies Meet a Newcomer

Who can benefit from this book about belonging?

All children in grades preschool to three need opportunities to build their social and emotional skills. Belonging is a key to life success. This book inspires children and teachers to include and welcome others. The story tells of an abandoned, lonely, and a hungry dog who isn’t welcome in the barnyard community. Finally, he finds his way into the hearts of the other animals. And, in the end, a reluctant, Farmer Jim. Reading this book sets the stage for the compassionate treatment of all others. The Parent and Educator Guide can help you build a more inclusive setting and reduce “otherizing” and related bullying as well. We must never forget that most bullies have been bullied. 71% of school shootings were done by people who had been bullied

 

You can be part of the solution! Share these children’s books!

What are We Teaching our Kids? Building a “Compassion-smart” Future

 

Compassion for Immigrant, Refugee, & Stranger

Book Cover

Kids learn compassion in new kids’ book

 

“He will take something from me that I want/need.”

“There’s already not enough.”

“I don’t trust her…” and so on. The readers of this new children’s book get to grapple with this type of issues. When fear-mongering is rampant, and hatred of “the other” is being modeled from the highest levels of government, what are we teaching our kids?

“This new children’s book addresses the challenges that newcomers have when entering communities and classrooms. Readers are moved toward thoughtful and compassionate action,” said Penshorn. “We realize embracing and accepting new people has complications. This story guides children to explore the questions around this topic. There are many opportunities for deep thinking and finding ‘compassion-smart’ solutions. We invite your participation! Our GoFund Me page will tell you all about the campaign.

What else could they do?

This, along with other thought-provoking questions is asked in the Parent and Educator Guide at the end of the book. The “Conversation Starters” and “Activities” provide several lesson-plans based on the conundrums provided by the story. 

The Story

The lonely and cold dog finds himself abandoned by a family that could no longer afford to keep him. They live in a town that’s one of the recent ones suffering with the lead-in-our-pipes problem. Bottled water (that comes with its own, less immediate health risks) puts this poor old dog’s family in a financial crisis. They turn to the animal shelter for help, but the shelter is full. Many people looked for the same solution. Unable to think of a better solution, they decide to drive the dog out of town and drop him off. A heartbreaking first page, mostly told in the art.

The dog wanders into the Barnyard Buddies’ farm, and is immediately informed he has to leave because Farmer Jim doesn’t like strangers. However, the poor old guy is too tired and hungry to continue walking. He is ready to give up.

A Happy Ending?

The story evolves…While it does have a happy ending, many of the children coming to our country or our communities as immigrants, refugees, and newcomers, don’t have that experience.

Children in every school, home, day care, church, synagogue, or mosque need opportunities to think about these difficult conundrums. They need time to think and to practice their decision-making skills before they become adults. It’s very valuable if they can learn to hold compassion in their hearts while they consider practical implications. This skill comes quite naturally to most children, but reinforcing it and putting it in a memorable story helps them recognize the value of that way of thinking. Further, it helps them believe in themselves, even if adults around them are not always good role models.

kids shaking hands

What did these kids learn today? Compassion, empathy, working out a problem? YAY!
Copyright: wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo

A Sense of Belonging

Well-developed characters, expressively drawn by Jeanine-Jonee Keith, reveal the complexity of the animals’ emotions. The owl, who steadfastly welcomes the lonely dog, points out, “Often kindness brings more kindness.” The need for children to be included and feel a sense of belonging for maximum mental and physical wellness, is demonstrated by the dog, who recovers quickly when he receives care.

Parent and Educator Guide

Following the touching story, a Parent and Educator Guide provides questions that encourage children to think deeply, creatively, and critically, as they consider ways they might respond to similar situation. 

“This book is a great resource for families and teachers looking for materials that enhance decision-making. It supports teachers dealing with a new child in class, or perhaps immigrants, or refugees. We think these are critical discussions to have in today’s world,” said Rebecca  Janke, M.Ed., the book’s content editor.

Refugee child at fence

Whether it’s at the border or in our classrooms, “What are we teaching our children?”

This children’s book has multiple benefits for the teacher and parent reading to children ranging from simple counting opportunities to the introduction of civic language. The Barnyard Buddies illustrate and talk about both majority rule and consensus-building. The book fills a current, intense need for children to delve more deeply as they begin to grapple with complex problems. Today’s kids will need to solve many issues around increased displacement  as we face disruptions due to climate change, war, famine, political unrest, and so on.

The Book Needs You!

Please participate with the production and marketing of this book. Visit our GoFundMe page. Your share is critical! We also invite you to become a fundraising team member and help raise money to promote this book. Please email [email protected] for a team invitation.

Wouldn’t it be sad if parents, librarians, and educators didn’t know about this book? Follow us on Twitter and Facebook so you’ll know when this lovely book is available for you to cry over and talk over with the kids in your life. Because, at the end of the day, “What are we teaching our children?”

 

Effective negotiating techniques can help children reduce school violence

Effective negotiating often isn’t modeled by government

Effective negotiating. I remember my teachers using our U.S. Congress to show me how it was done. However, right now effective negotiating and dialogue seem to be a thing of the past, and many wonder, “What happened to civility? What happened to basic decency and social skills? How we are ever going to get back to bipartisan debate? Or intelligent and truthful conversations in our lawmaking bodies?”

Teens model effective negotiating and learning to be civil

While we are hoping that our “leaders” can take steps toward higher ground, we can be hopeful. People like Brooke Deterline—a cofounder of the Courageous Leadership consulting firm, are working to guide kids to find the skills for civility in conversations, particularly with those who don’t share their point-of-view. These kids are likely to grow up having the skills to move beyond partisan bickering and toward problem-solving.

An inspirational article about work with kids

You’ll find an inspirational article from The Greater Good Magazine: Here’s the link directly to the article: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/these_kids_are_learning_how_to_have_bipartisan_conversations. To summarize: Deterline gets a group of teenagers together and educates them in courageous leadership! She says, “What often shuts down conversations across the political aisle, . . .  is when our brains go into what she calls ‘the red zone.’ . . .When we’re stressed, our natural compassion is cut off. . . .We don’t want to have compassion for the lion if we’re actually in a life-or-death situation. Our bodies are getting ready to fight or flee, sometimes freeze. It happens in less than a second.”

Working with Teens is Great

I have often marvelled at the wonderful work being done by people working with teens. And, yet, even with teens, we are doing remediation. We are fixing an already existing challenge.  We need to start in the womb and continue with every day of a child’s life to provide a safe and welcoming environment for kids that allows them to think clearly and without fear clouding their responses.

Every day of a child’s life has a lasting impact

The incredible impact of early experiences on young children is why we are so concerned about US policies on the US/Mexico border. Whether it’s separation of families or just extensive stays for youngsters, none of it is okay for their development!

Children from birth to age 9 are sponges. When we provide a fear-filled environment, we create trauma that often causes lifelong consequences. When we provide safety, security, love, and decency, we provide tools for them to learn the very skills that these teens are learning — at an early enough age that these skills become their new normal. If we can also offer cultural tools like books and music to support their negotiating skills we are smart! Then we are enhancing their Smart Tools for Life.

Reducing School Violence and Increasing Social Skills for Young Kids

A brief overview of why Smart Tools for Life are so important!

Posted by Smart Tools for Life on Tuesday, December 18, 2018

 

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace has a teen mentor component to it, so teens can bring the younger kid these skills.

Our Payhip store can be posted on your website. Your friends, co-workers, business associates, and family can find these materials and you can even make 40% of their purchase price. Do good while making money. Gotta like that! 

 

 

Santa Appreciates The Barnyard Buddies Conflict Resolution Tips for Kids

 

Hello animals, you did a good job —

Writing your story of getting along at the barn.

Some read your book, I can tell that’s true.

Isn’t it wonderful what you can do?

The cover of The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace book

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace cover

 

Your story helps children in their youngest years,

To have less fights and lots less tears.

I wish everyone just took the time,

To read all children your wonderful rhyme!

 

“The Barnyard  Buddies STOP for Peace” conflict resolution tips for kids, and the music for peace are available on Amazon or in ebook form only on Payhip.

 

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Kids learn conflict resolution get great materials really cheaply!

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