Effective negotiating techniques can help children reduce school violence

Effective negotiating often isn’t modeled by government

Effective negotiating. I remember my teachers using our U.S. Congress to show me how it was done. However, right now effective negotiating and dialogue seem to be a thing of the past, and many wonder, “What happened to civility? What happened to basic decency and social skills? How we are ever going to get back to bipartisan debate? Or intelligent and truthful conversations in our lawmaking bodies?”

Teens model effective negotiating and learning to be civil

While we are hoping that our “leaders” can take steps toward higher ground, we can be hopeful. People like Brooke Deterline—a cofounder of the Courageous Leadership consulting firm, are working to guide kids to find the skills for civility in conversations, particularly with those who don’t share their point-of-view. These kids are likely to grow up having the skills to move beyond partisan bickering and toward problem-solving.

An inspirational article about work with kids

You’ll find an inspirational article from The Greater Good Magazine: Here’s the link directly to the article: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/these_kids_are_learning_how_to_have_bipartisan_conversations. To summarize: Deterline gets a group of teenagers together and educates them in courageous leadership! She says, “What often shuts down conversations across the political aisle, . . .  is when our brains go into what she calls ‘the red zone.’ . . .When we’re stressed, our natural compassion is cut off. . . .We don’t want to have compassion for the lion if we’re actually in a life-or-death situation. Our bodies are getting ready to fight or flee, sometimes freeze. It happens in less than a second.”

Working with Teens is Great

I have often marvelled at the wonderful work being done by people working with teens. And, yet, even with teens, we are doing remediation. We are fixing an already existing challenge.  We need to start in the womb and continue with every day of a child’s life to provide a safe and welcoming environment for kids that allows them to think clearly and without fear clouding their responses.

Every day of a child’s life has a lasting impact

The incredible impact of early experiences on young children is why we are so concerned about US policies on the US/Mexico border. Whether it’s separation of families or just extensive stays for youngsters, none of it is okay for their development!

Children from birth to age 9 are sponges. When we provide a fear-filled environment, we create trauma that often causes lifelong consequences. When we provide safety, security, love, and decency, we provide tools for them to learn the very skills that these teens are learning — at an early enough age that these skills become their new normal. If we can also offer cultural tools like books and music to support their negotiating skills we are smart! Then we are enhancing their Smart Tools for Life.

Reducing School Violence and Increasing Social Skills for Young Kids

A brief overview of why Smart Tools for Life are so important!

Posted by Smart Tools for Life on Tuesday, December 18, 2018

 

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace has a teen mentor component to it, so teens can bring the younger kid these skills.

Our Payhip store can be posted on your website. Your friends, co-workers, business associates, and family can find these materials and you can even make 40% of their purchase price. Do good while making money. Gotta like that! 

 

 

Santa Appreciates The Barnyard Buddies Conflict Resolution Tips for Kids

 

Hello animals, you did a good job —

Writing your story of getting along at the barn.

Some read your book, I can tell that’s true.

Isn’t it wonderful what you can do?

The cover of The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace book

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace cover

 

Your story helps children in their youngest years,

To have less fights and lots less tears.

I wish everyone just took the time,

To read all children your wonderful rhyme!

 

“The Barnyard  Buddies STOP for Peace” conflict resolution tips for kids, and the music for peace are available on Amazon or in ebook form only on Payhip.

 

How about saving money while doing the right thing?

Are you ready to share what you know are valuable conflict resolution tips for kids? I’m glad you said yes! Share your Payhip purchase with social media contacts and save 25%.

Kids learn conflict resolution get great materials really cheaply!

It’s time more people got these materials in their hands. We have made them really cheap right now — even before Christmas and other Holidays.

So get hard or soft cover books and CDs on Amazon, or go to Payhip, purchase any already low-priced item, and then click “Share on social media” and you’ll get an additional 25% off! So, it will cost less than $4.00 for the book, and the music even less. How simple is that? What are you waiting for!

“I Can See Peace” will be on Payhip soon.

Please promote this work! Save 25% by sharing on facebook when YOU buy on Payhip

 

The Barnyard Buddies

Santa Visits The Barnyard Buddies and Gets a Message!

Santa visits

Santa visits

The Barnyard Buddies help Santa each fall.

Kids can take rides — near his booth at the mall.

So he asks them each year, “Did the kids act with care?

“Were they grateful that farmer Jim brought you all there?”

 

The cover of The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace book

The Barnyard Buddies went to the mall to give pony rides and petting opportunities to the children.

 

And each year The Buddies have mixed reports

Some children terrific, others out of sorts.

“We mostly tell Santa the children are great,

“So maybe now it’s a little bit late

 

“But I think we should say, at least mention the fact,

“That several of the children ended up in a stack

“On the floor in a tussle just to get that new game,”

Said Ol’ Dot with a sad face, and feeling quite lame.

Boys fighting over toys need conflict resolution skills

Boys in a tussle

 

She took many children up on her old back.

They made her walk fast, and she limped coming back.

“It’s true, I’m hurt. It’s silly, but heck,

“Very few children even petted my neck.

 

“Did they think I was a robot, a computer game?

“Not one even asked Farmer Jim for my name!”

You could tell from her face that Ol’ Dot was sad.

And the others agreed, and began to feel mad.

Santa and sleigh

 

Santa landed his sled on the barn roof that night.

And they told him their thoughts — it was such a sight —

The animals crying, and Santa in thought.

What to do about kids’ gifts? Maybe give coal — or not?

 

“Please don’t give coal, Santa! Most kids try each year.”

Said Grey Donkey to them all — shedding a tear.

“We just need a way to help children find

“There are so many reasons for them to be kind.

 

“Most of the time when kids have a fight

“Peace has been interrupted — someone’s heart is not right

“That book, “I Can See Peace” shows children the way

“To seek and find peace. Let’s give them that book — if we may!

book, I Can See Peace

Book, I Can See Peace

 

“Without empathy and compassion, the future looks dire.

“So we must try harder!” said Santa, sounding tired. . .

“I’ve an idea! Tell how you all do it —

“Here in the barnyard, you get along, nothing to it!

 

“Yes! The owl, Mrs. McCloud taught us,” said King.

“Let’s write our stories, that’s how we can bring

“Kids the smart tools so they too can say,

“‘I feel so peaceful and connected today!’”

 

So now, Barnyard Buddies have a book to share

And songs you can sing when you struggle to care.

Music CD, Songs for Peace

Music CD about peacemaking for children

Music CD for conflict resolution and peacemaking

Music for conflict resolution and peacemaking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About how to solve problems, be kind, and be fair,

About how to take turns, compromise, and share.

If you ask Santa, he’ll drop off at your door

All these smart tools. That’s what they’re for!

 

This poem is a story about how “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace” book may have come to be! I hope you enjoy and share.

 

The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace and kids

Two children who love The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace

 

 

This blog is definitely a bit big on the marketing and promoting (at the end). If you read the reviews that are on Amazon associated with any of the materials, but particularly the music, I think you will see why I feel the need to share and promote. These materials are really important and valuable to kids — according to others.  I think as the writer, it’s my responsibility to do my share to let others know about them. Please share in any way you can. Twitter, Facebook, and so on.

As you see, The Barnyard Buddies also mentioned the other award-winning book, “I Can See Peace.” The two books and two cds of music provide a lovely, simple way to bring a comprehensive peacemaking education to very young children. All the materials are targeted for ages 3 to 8 or 9.

The young ages are when we cement our conflict resolution styles. We also learn that our families value our caring and sharing behaviors. We learn about focusing on kindness and compassion, recycling, and caring for the earth, what it means to be a peacemaker and so much more. All these are addressed in the music that goes with these books.

As a person living on this heating planet, I can only hope our children grow up thoughtful, compassionate, and smart about caring for others and issues of climate change, and are willing to get to the deeper issues around population, scarcity of resources, and more that prevent our success on these issues.

Apologies for lack of diversity! This poem is not meant to leave out others, but I have only come up with this Santa story to tell the tale of how The Barnyard Buddies (with a little help from me) created “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace” children’s book. Maybe next year I’ll figure out a story that works better for children with a background in other traditions! 

The story of Santa doesn’t indicate any religious preference or bias by me, the staff or the organization. 

A key to Life Success? Starting Early with Peacemaking and Conflict Resolution: New Children’s book for ages 3 to 9 shows how

Without skills for peaceful conflict resolution and problem solving, children are often labeled “bad,” “acting out,” and “disruptive.” But what are they to do when they have strong emotions and no social skills for working out their problems? And what are adults to do to cope with violent behavior at home or at school/preschool?

 

Boys fighting over toys need conflict resolution skills

Boys in conflict over toys can cause injury.

Conflict over limited resources can be an opportunity!

Is this a picture of life at your house or in your classroom? There will always be limited resources in our worlds, whether it’s a classroom or a nation. It’s simply not possible to provide everything every child wants all the time. And, this gives us opportunities for learning as we guide children. But children need tools and skills for managing their anger and staying in community when faced with limited resources and other situations that prompt their frustration, anger, or other emotions. Without these tools they may feel compelled to lash out and potentially hurt themselves and/or others.

As we watch how people are sharing resources as they recover from hurricanes Harvey and Irma, we can be inspired to believe that people can make smart decisions that are good for all, their relationships with each other, and the planet.

Skills for peaceful conflict resolution provide key social and emotional skills!

Over the years, recognition of the importance of social emotional learning (SEL) has swelled. Now, we have governors of several states talking about their goals for educating preschoolers in SEL, based on research showing its importance for adult lives. Hanna Melnick, Channa M. Cook-Harvey, and Linda Darling-Hammond recently wrote in “Encouraging Social and Emotional Learning in the Context of New Accountability” (2017 — provides numerous links and references for further reading):

The Every Student Succeeds Act (ESSA) . . . provides an important opportunity for states to broaden the definition of student success to include measures of students’ social-emotional, as well as academic, development. Social and emotional learning (SEL) is a broad and multifaceted concept, which the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) defines as “the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.” Well-implemented programs designed to foster SEL are associated with positive outcomes, ranging from better test scores and higher graduation rates to improved social behavior. 

Of course, children will continue to be significantly impacted throughout their lives by many challenges! But the tools we provide in our children’s books and children’s music are useful for navigating the world safely, with self confidence and joy. We call our tools, “Smart Tools for Life” because it is smart to learn them! Further, they are memorable and engaging, and sink deeply into children’s hearts and minds — often for life. 

“I STOP for Peace” music and “The Barnyard Buddies Stop for Peace”

Our first children’s book is called, “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace.” In it, the characters experience a conflict over resources, and work it out peacefully. They don’t stop there, however, they regain their trust in each other, renew their relationships, and celebrate their success.

Songs for Peace children's music

Share social and other peacemaking skills with children and build a culture of peace!

The book is enhanced by two music CDs: “Songs for Peace,” by Julie Penshorn with Rebecca Janke, and one that specifically supports the learning in the book: “I STOP for Peace,” also by Penshorn with Janke. The children on the music CD refer to the book and connect the dots for you! You can purchase all at www.Amazon.com. Here’s the link for I Stop for Peace music on Amazon, or get it at Smart Tools for Life.

Conflict resolution songs for ages 3 to 9

Children’s music, conflict resolution songs for ages 3 to 9. I STOP for Peace, by Julie Penshorn

Tools in your “smart” toolbox!

When you have a tool like The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace, in your parenting and teacher toolbox, you can connect it to any ongoing program you have, or it can be a freestanding program. It’s especially appropriate to the needs of young children ages 3 to 9.

Children develop relationships with the characters that can be used to enhance their learning in a variety of ways. For example, when children are in conflict you can ask: “Now how would Mrs. McCloud (the owl, and the key peacemaker in the story) solve that?” The end result in the story is better relationships, more community, and no blame, shame, or harsh punishments. Why shouldn’t all our conflicts end that way?

A Story

A friend brought a four-year-old to the book reading (partially shown on the video above). After the book reading, she, her boyfriend, and the child went to the zoo. It was a rainy day like in the book. My friend told me later that when they walked by the zebras the child said, “Look at that zebra! He’s just like King! He’s not sharing the space under the leanto!” Already, she was connecting the characters in the book to her daily life and to others in it.

Teacher and parent guide in the book

An added benefit of the book, “The Barnyard Buddies STOP for Peace,” is that it contains a teacher and parent guide, plus the music for the “I STOP for Peace” song. You don’t have to struggle to integrate this book with your curriculum. It effortlessly flows into it. In fact, it can BE your conflict resolution curriculum! With the music to enhance memorability, children will soon be conflict resolution experts!

There are as many ways to be peacemakers as there are people. The joy of finding a resolution to conflict that enhances our lives rather than detracts from it, is sublime! So, we learn the skills, we practice, and it becomes easier and more natural every time.

Next time we’ll talk about the most important step in that conflict resolution process: STOP and breathe.
See you next time!